Scenes from a Hat: Shame

February 4, 2009

Scenes from a Hat: Shame

by Desirée Lee
Editor: M. E. Ellis

Roland hunched over the small, antique secretary desk, squinting. The banker’s lamp succeeded in creating only a pale, amber miasma of illumination.

He paused to gaze at the Cartel clock on the wall. The low light glinted off the ormolu craftsmanship, giving the curvilinear design a haunted appearance. Time is running short. She will be back soon. I must do this now.

He clicked the pen and set it to the paper.

* * *

Dear Journal,

I don’t know why I refer to the journal as if it were a separate entity. I suppose it is like a young girl writing in a diary. I guess because I’m not a girl, I don’t think of this as a diary, even though it’s basically the same.

I have no other outlet for my thoughts. She won’t permit me to speak my mind, not yet, at least. I must earn that privilege. I did not realize when I agreed to this position how deeply entrenched I would become.

She defined it for me today. I am her slave. When I am allowed to speak, I address her only as “Mistress”. If I mess up, my punishment is harsh.


How did I end up as a slave? Sometimes, when she leaves me all alone, I wonder that. I’m a grown man. I have two college degrees. I could be out achieving all the dreams I had as a child, yet I am not. I am confined to this house for the duration of our agreement. I am at her beck and call.

I’m her maid. I’m her cook. I’m her launderer. I’m her lover. I’m her dog.

Last night brought a new breakthrough for me. I slept in her bed for the first time. Oh yes, Journal, vivid dreams carried me through until dawn, nestled in the comfort of her 1500 thread count, Egyptian cotton sheets. I didn’t even know sheets could be made that fine. As I lay down, my skin prickled to gooseflesh from the coolness of the fabric. It bore such stark contrast to the smoldering heat of her body, once I was finally given leave to touch her. My senses jolted at their journey across the broad, tangible spectrum. It momentarily overtook the reality of the situation—I was lying in her bed, HER bed. Once I remembered that, it awed me again.

Being in her bed brought me a heightened perception. Nothing before last night compared. She brought me to her private place, her sanctum. I penetrated the rift. I finally made it into her trusted circle.

I became her slave, wholly and truly. No more pussyfooting around. No more teases, taunts. She told me for certain. I am hers.

I sit here and write…and think. Many men would not want this. They could never give themselves, body, heart, and soul to a person for the express purpose of being dominated in every manner. Now that I have done exactly thus, I cannot imagine any other way of being.

If I am lucky, she’ll let me sleep in luxury again tonight. Then again, I am fortunate to be in her service. Mistress is beautiful, strong, forceful, and caring.

Journal, you know my secrets. You are my confessor, my friend, my confidante. She is my world, but you, Journal, are my inner space. You know what delves in the deepest, darkest recesses of my psyche. You know who I am. You know what I am.

I am enamored. I am in her thrall.

And I’ve never known happiness this great before…ever. I’m aroused already merely imagining what she might have in store for me tonight.

I ought to feel some measure of shame.

Try as I may, I do not.

I have to go now. I hear her key in the lock.



  1. Wow amazing Desiree!!! Okay it’s hot!!!

  2. That is something else. Very nice, Desiree. I really enjoyed it.

    Anthony, this idea of yours is the best thing ever. So many different writing styles and topics, and ideas. What an inspiration you had with this. I’m enjoying all teh diversity of talent you’ve rounded up.

  3. Wow, Desiree. Very intense. I loved it. This is the first one I’ve read, you did an amazing job.

  4. LOL I came expecting to read something to be ashamed of, instead I come away awed by your story telling. How did you ever pack so much in to such a few paragraphs?
    Good Job.
    I loved it.

  5. This is really intense, Des. You done good! Thanks for the nudge in this direction. I thoroughly enjoyed this. Kudo’s to Anthony too. Great concept!

  6. I loved this story. I was looking at the D/s from a different angle. It was very insightful. You are a fantastic writer.

  7. Well written, Desiree. That was quite interesting working with the word shame. I wouldn’t have even know where to go with it. That line of thinking went well with that word. Thanks for sharing!

  8. The blog really sets the scene. Is this really SHAME or does the author of the journal feel like he is in heaven?


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